“You need your own definition of happiness
One that reconnects you with the beauty of where you are now
And does not postpone your joy
Until you accomplish something in the future
One that is centered on embracing and not striving
--Yung Pueblo, The Way Forward
Lying on an old gym floor in Baltimore, I listened intently to the instructions and carried them out with all the focus that I could muster. Over and again, I moved according to what the new instructor said to do, barely paying attention to the mild discomfort in my neck and lower back. It was the fourth day of my very first Feldenkrais Method training segment, and the first day with this instructor.
As she moved slowly towards me, I felt a heightened state of anticipation, not used to being singled out amongst the 40 or so peers in the room. I froze as she turned off her microphone and leaned over me, checked my nametag and said, “So, Mary, you work very hard, don’t you?”
With that, she turned on her mic and moved on with the lesson, but I stopped doing the movement and took time to allow a wave of tears to flow through and out. After a brief break, I rejoined the lesson with a changed focus and monumental insight into some of my habitual patterns.
This moment was one of several “boom” moments of my four-year training to become a practitioner of the Feldenkrais Method®, a somatic learning approach using mindful movement as a means to self-discovery, reduced discomfort and pain, and authentic personal insight.
Movement and Nuance
What I realized in that moment was that I was striving to complete the movement lessons to the point that I was causing discomfort and eventual harm to myself. Not unlike myself in my athletic years, I had reverted to an old idea in myself that I had to perform for the new teacher. When she gently asked the question to me, I realized that I was using a default behavior that was completely irrelevant to what I was doing at the moment. I was there to learn how to move with more ease, more efficiency and more self-kindness. I was doing the opposite.
A rigid adherence to a previously learned way of doing things can result in unnecessary acceptance of limitations in one's life. I would later learn that this kind of insight is exactly what Moshe Feldenkrais proposed as a reason to develop a practice which combines sensory attention with enjoyable movement.
Like many aging athletes, I lived according to a specific set of deeply ingrained behaviors. I was not fully aware of how limited I was in my adult and work life due to these old patterns. Learning to push and strive for better performances, measured by statistics, wins and losses, and lots of praise for overcoming pain to do so were among them. That combination served some really significant needs that I had in my high school, college, and early adulthood, but they were unsustainable as the “only way” to be myself for the rest of my life.
But at some point I found myself experiencing limitations in what I could physically do because of years of injuries. This time in my life felt like a serious crisis because if I could not be active or work and play as I wanted to, what would my life be like?
Thankfully, I chose a path of change in how I think and feel about my body, in how I approach my very care of myself even as I still work to be fit and healthy.
The remaining four years of my deep immersion in Feldenkrais Method learning resulted in many moments of an inner “family reunion” of feelings and expressions, of mobility regained and improved, and a sense of myself having caught up with my age in the very best way: a mature, self-assured, and kind relationship with myself that joined the wisdom of my past with a deep, creative assurance in the present moment. This ability to choose an old path or a new one is how I think of quality of life.
The results are well documented through my blogs on this website.
What matters most to me now, however, is sharing the same mindful movement experiences with others in my community. In the last eight years, I have taught classes and workshops to many locals who have discovered their own freedom and meaning from these fun and interesting lessons.
I am pleased to announce a new way to experience these powerful lessons on Saturdays beginning in 2025. More like a mini-retreat than a class, participants will experience two-three lessons, discussion and more in one morning. Learning through mindful movement is fun and playful, deeply respectful, and supportive.
Check my website for details here.
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